Thursday, October 18, 2018

Dear Senator Ted Cruz

The world and it's lack of respect for women is being less tolerated thanks to the voices of the #MeToo movement. I watched the process of the Supreme Court nominee and I can tell you as a victim of multiple childhood sexual abuse, you Senator Cruz must pick a side. I along with so many other women and men that have been violated (each in our own way) were watching with the hope that maybe this time our voices would not be overshadowed or shouted down and one of us would be heard with grace and reverence.

You should know, as time goes by the memories of our experience(s) move deeper and deeper (survival mode) which thankfully make the ability to recall our trauma(s) less descriptive. The details are not as clear. Somethings we will not remember but there are things we will never forget. Because of our silence we have been invisible. As we have started to share our truths we still scream silently as we continue to be overlooked or politely patted on the back with a condescending, there, there.

Judge Kavanaugh in his explosive belligerent rant that included "a calculated and orchestrated political hit fueled with apparent pent up anger about president Trump and the 2016 election. Revenge on the behalf of the Clintons because she lost the election" and other conspiracy nonsense clearly showed he does not have the temperment to sit on the Supreme Court. We aren't asking for much. We want our pain and suffering to be seen for what it is and to protect the Supreme Court from a person such as Kavanaugh who has multiple allegations that are concerning, to be seated for a lifetime appointment. Please have the courage to say no when you are asked to vote. Opening the FBI to the limited scope of investigation is a first step. Make your girls proud and vote no.

And no surprise, he voted for Kavanaugh. What a supreme mistake. And after the "boys" couldn't even ask their own questions. I guess they couldn't decide any different than the other "boys" on the committee. Can't wait to see if he has any intelligent thoughts about Khashoggi's murder or if he again falls in line with 45.

C'mon.

Ted.





Friday, October 5, 2018

Road Trip 2018!

Want to live with your grandparents forever? That is the environment we are creating by keeping people in the Senate beyond their expiration date. I'm not dissing the elderly (I am quite fond of many of them and becoming one too) but there comes a time when we the people (that includes everyone of voting age) have to take action. Instead of going to grandmas' year after year after year. Let the folk who have been stuck in the 40's and 50's return to their memories of their "glory days" in the comfort of their own home. They can enjoy old reruns or have some playtime with the littles in the family without us trying to coax them into the present day way of life which is clearly outside their purview. They have done enough. Seriously. What if you cook the dinner? Have it at your house (your rules, your TV, your menu or you call for a pot luck). We know what happens at grandmas'. Grandma does a lot. Maybe it's time for a change. Some of the old geezers are way to comfortable in their power. Let's take the keys and drive them out of office.



Watch Sen Orrin Hatch  OMG This old white man . . . completely out of touch!

He may be stuck in the 40's and doesn't know women are people too. Why do we vote for old geezers just because of the "shining R" by their name? Vote for a relatable, on your side candidate. Don't vote for a letter! This guy is clearly beyond his use by date. Give him a nice rest in the home, at home or anything but in the senate.

Life isn't fair but you can use your voice and your vote to step up and speak out. We need elected officials to do what is right for us as a society by working together. #CheckExpirationDate2018

Friday, September 21, 2018

Sink or Swim


You can turn your head, you can walk away
But really it won't take the pain away
You can deal with it now or sometime after
You can cover it up with the sounds of laughter
You can trip on your future while lost in your past
Or swim to the surface, let your voice make a splash

Speak of your truth, scream if need be
Continue to yell though there's no guarantee
The words you say they may leave you broken
The demons, the doubts could cause a commotion
Scream it, say it, spill all your guts
Get it all out before you go nuts

But most important let yourself heal
And over time your mind will reveal
This painful journey, the path you've been on
It has kept you going and made you strong
Sink or swim, it's always your choice
Reveal your truth or lose your own voice


#WhyIDidntReport



Tuesday, September 18, 2018

Family Is Relative (Until A Death Occurs)

Three years ago today my glass was full and raised in love to a favorite person that I love beyond the stars to this day. Even before then I had learned some realities about family dynamics. The hard way. I am not uneducated in these matters but don't expect loved ones to act so (there is no good word to use here so help yourself to your goto word selection). 

I was the local stepchild of a step "family" once years ago and that relationship taught me that blood was thicker than water. I was water. My husband, son (favorite of step father was what I was told but can I believe that now?) and I were invited to a Christmas party at a local step sisters' house. We arrived a few minutes early and walked in to find that the blood "family" was cleaning up from their having a pre Christmas party party that didn't include us. Water. Us. Just the three of us. I was so confused. Are we not family or just not family? We left as soon as we could and I never have been able to forget how hurt that day made me feel. My Mother was working out of state and my sister was far, far away in the flatlands of Amarillo. These same step sisters, step brother and step father were the family I had yesterday so was yesterday a lie? According to the need for an additional "family" Christmas party, yes it was.
Families in mourning may do some very odd things. Whether the deceased head of household be a patriarch or matriarch I can attest that among the oddities is having a private ceremony or rituals that exclude "family" of the "family". Yes, it is the prerogative of the "family" to have an invitation only event(s). But isn't it for the "family" whom these things are planned and carried out ~ done so to comfort the family? Did the family funeral planner(s) think she was a celebrity that was not to be shared with anyone not family? She was my Mother while mine was dealing with hepatitis. She drove to Burleson when I got sick at school. We lived with her and her family for six weeks while our blood mother recovered. Her daughter taught me to drive. She wasn't a celebrity to me. She was my favorite (only) Aunt.

I can only imagine how life could have been kinder for those "family" members that were not included, and yes that exclusion included me. I was asked to speak at the funeral which I did without hesitation. No other invitation was extended and at first I didn't even recognize that I was not invited to the "family" activities. I considered myself to be immediate family. Who spent the first Mothers' Day with my sister and I the first year after our Mother passed away? So what was the reason to be excluded? Was this because it was the last request by my favorite Aunt or was the family trying to keep other family members out for reasons I'll never know or even try to understand. My pain, my loss, my greif was left to cry alone. Now orphaned fully and unrecognized as family or friend of my very favorite Aunt. I was nothing. I wasn't permitted to witness my cousins, their children, step children, grandchildren, step grandchildren or close friends release butterflies or to have final closure at the burial.

 

Family? Now I know the true meaning. Family isn't a blood line. Blood is removed as part of the passage from life. Family isn't a water line because as we are returned to the earth the water evaporates. 

Family is relative until a death occurs. 

Family is a love line. 

Family is what the heart, soul and spirit knows to be a real love filled relationship that drives you to be a better you. Family  leads you always to light. Family is the people you love that love you back. Family engages in a meaningful, joyful relationship without leaving you bewildered on your own or unrecognizably bewildered at the loss of another family member. 

Family is who you pray with. 

Family is who you pray for. 

Family is your kind deeds in action during time well spent. True family is what makes your spirit soar and your love light shine for all to see. Light 

What horrible thing(s) was I expected to do if invited? Show up? Granted my mother was not as wealthy as her sister and just as of today I now wonder had my Mother still been living would I have still been excluded from the last memories. Would my mother have not been invited either? I do know it is beyond cruel to break an already broken heart.


So happy I spent time with my Aunt while she was here. I know she loved my family and me. We often bought her dinner and she thought we were the coolest. Light 

So, if you are responsible for the final arrangements but the decedent by death has made you beyond wealthy (which makes you ponder who to trust or you were paranoid already), know that love is kind, inclusive and shines beyond the stars. No need to split to sit on one side of the church or the other. It isn't blood v water. There is no competition in family. Look for the shiny people. They truly loved your loved one and will benefit from the rituals of an inclusive family

Blood is thicker than water but light? 

Light shines beyond the stars. 

  ✯  ✭  ✬  ✫  🌟  ⭐  🌠

I am blessed to have my son his wife and grandkids who will likely be making my final, final arrangements. They know the light thing to do.


Love is kind (and shines eternal).


Image may contain: 4 people, including Summer O'Zee and Sean Ozee, people smiling


Monday, September 17, 2018

The Bridge Crossed Before

The rainbow bridge has been crossed before
The pain and grief knock down the door
We cry, we wail, we scream in our grief
We spend more nights crying to sleep


Sid was a good dog, we laughed and we played
He helped me to garden and didn't run away
He listened without judging or guilting me ever
He always had time for me, retreating never


I will miss my furry small friend
I will miss him from this day until then
He will cross my mind and in memory smile
My sweet little boy who was here for a while 


WO ~ 2018




Friday, September 14, 2018

Rainbow Stampede

The clouds have given way to the morning sun and the rainbow stampede has just begun.
Throwing out colors from floor to ceiling a brand new day just for healing.
All of the broken rested through the night, all of the pain tucked out of sight.
We wake we rise with eyes anew with purposeful dreams that give us a clue.
How do we heal as we walk away, from promises broken of yesterday.
We'll take a walk, we'll play ball after supper. My beautiful pup who is like no other.
The rainbow bridge ~ well it must be real for heaven to have any earthly appeal.
Please run to find me when it is my turn to cross and if you would, please bring the boss.
A deity that I'm dying to see, to hug and praise for giving you to me.
I miss you, I love you beyond the stars, and no one ever had a love like ours.









Wednesday, August 29, 2018

#TeamSid

Rainbow bridge remembrance day was yesterday but I am going to take just a minute to "paws" and remember all of the fur babies I have had in my life, my 💖, and my lap.

This is especially weighing on me this year because our eldest, Sid is nearing the bridge and it 💔 to know he will soon cross over. I am in negotiations to delay his trip maybe two or more years.

Just a couple of days ago when the 🌕 was full I had taken him outside to potty and before we went back in the house I held him with his back to my chest and our faces touched. I told him to look at the moon and that he should remember to meet me there one day. 

I think he understood.

Thank God for fur babies. Love them if you have them.

#Team Sid







Friday, June 29, 2018

So this (the below) is that (the above) ~ Check please!

I went to a restaurant (owned by members of my family) that was celebrating a milestone anniversary. There were people everywhere. Not all family but a lot of people. My husband, sister, brother-in-law, cousins and so on. I took a seat with the family and soon had a friend join me who regularly goes there anyway. I introduced him to the table and he and I talked most of the evening. I hardly heard more than a polite greeting save for my cousin who did take the time to kiss me on the cheek as she whooshed by. We had a meal and as we were ready to leave my sister was asking about her check to which my other cousin said she would cover hers. My sister looked at me and asked her about mine. She was silent. So my sister said if you aren't getting Wanda's it's not fair to get mine.

As you can probably tell, my sister and cousin are more like sisters than me and my sister. That's fine with me. I am more like sisters with my best friend than my sister so I get it. But since our favorite aunt passed away, the family tree seems to be trying to shake me completely out of the tree. My sister and I paid our checks and I have no idea if I will bother going anymore if no one is there who will say more than a polite hello. How much clearer can life get? I'll go peaceably. Life is too short to invest in unhealthy relationships even when they are family.

So.

Polite greetings.

Got it. 
👦👧👨👩👪👫👭👬👷👸👼👲👱👴👵💁

So this (the below) is that (the above).

💕💖💗💘💏💓💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💣💔

I talk to strangers so I don't feel alone
Most relatives avoid me, no one phones
I am not the black sheep or the crazy cousin
I am the zebra with stripes by the dozen

I try to be a joy, try to be the light
I try to play nice, I try not to fight
I am an independent just left of center
Our family crest must read, "Do Not Enter"

Zebras are just not allowed within this clan
Or other animals who take a stand
A black sheep, white sheep, red, even brown or yellow
You don't belong. . .

Run along little fellow

Thursday, June 14, 2018

Snuggles and Cuddles

Yes Father's day is so close but a girlfriend posted this on Facebook with adorable photos of her twins. (Kids are just precious to Mothers and Fathers):

'I absolutely love sleeping photos. There's something magical about the stillness, sweetness, and serenity they capture. I think I'd like to make two photo books filled with sleeping photos, lullabies, and some of our nighttime sayings for each of our Littles'.

Being an "old" Mom my heart was inspired and interpreted what she said like this:

Snuggles and cuddles with nursery rhymes
Lullabies, blankets then sleepy time
First one dozes then there goes the other
The day is done ~ so glad I'm their Mother

I turn off the light but I am still beaming
They are both sweet now what needs cleaning
Soon we will get up and start a new day
With breakfast and hugs then time to play

💖  💗  💘  Love is kind (and may be seen in rhyme). 💖  💗  💘



Wednesday, March 14, 2018

The 1203 Chronicles



2.26.14
It's been a long busy day with patient 1203. But we got an early start and made it through the routing without complications. Now it's time for "Nurse Ratchet" to kick back, relax and give some praise and rest in joy. Night y'all and don't forget to give thanks for those you love and those that love you. Love is kind. Coffee is good.


Meanwhile in a state far away . . .



2.27.14
Today is experiment day. I am here for support but not doing much on his behalf. I had the coffee pot ready to just pour the water and did not have the lids on our coffee cups or carafe. This was very helpful he said because he had a bit of trouble when he was ready for the second cup.
Trying to discover what he can't do without help before I go back to work. So far I have had to open the new, never opened peanut butter jar and he said making a sandwhich was a bit of a struggle but he did it. :) We did get him in a pullover shirt without too much pain and he is enjoying being button free. He had to keep his head elevated for the first 24 hours so he was on the couch last night and I was not. Tonight I am hoping we can travel to Dreamland together.

Love is kind <3

1203 Report 3.1.14
Just three days post op and another great day for 1203 and me. Favorite son and favorite grandkids made it in safely last night. After the kids agreed who slept where, we all settled in and I enjoyed a long cuddle and we drifted to peaceful slumber side by side.

He brought the princess coffee that was announced quietly as it was placed at my bedside. As I heard it, "your coffee is ready for you to wake up if you choose but if you snooze, you will have a few more minutes". After a 10 minute delay my snooze alarm, the sweetest girl (in a sling) came to announce that Pop E said it was time to wake up. I got up, showered and as my son and I agreed the night before, we'd all go to breakfast. Sling buddies Pop E and Sweet Pea,


Sean, B-dawg and me.

As we were seated at the restaurant we had two extra chairs so I called my "big blister" who lives very near by to invite to sit in the available chairs. I was almost turned down but she and Bear came and after catching up on who broke what and how is it now we got to hear of their great adventure to Hawaii. I told you it was a great day!

I was really hoping she would bring me a dolphin but I wasn't sure if they had a big enough zip lock bag. Turns out none of the dolphins followed them home. 1203 and I will just have to visit them in person.

If the mountain won't come to Muhammad, Muhammad must go to the mountain. Yea, we're cool like that. 😍

Night y'all

1203 Report 3.2.14
Today was uneventful for 1203. He very likely has end stages of cabin fever though. We didn't go anywhere Sunday or today. Yesterday he was really hoping I would be snowed in with him today. And who doesn't want someone to play with if you are not sick and home alone? Probably would have gone mad if not for the pea salad I made yesterday.

It was supposed to be a surprise but he caught me in the act. I told him it was for the tuna salad that he knew I was making but apparently he is taking less pain medications so he didn't believe my story at all. English peas does not a tuna salad make. Making surprise pea salad is tricky but I will not go quietly into that good night, Old age should burn and rage at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light as the refrigerator door is closed. I shall not give up!

So I wasn't snowed in but I did go in an hour late this morning. A bit of black ice and stunt drivers were everywhere. Thought I'd have a better chance of dodging them with a bit of sunlight. As we are trying to prepare for temporary house guests I find I have the back of an old lady. So between Mark's shoulder, my back, ankle, knee and wrist (not broken wrist if anyone is keeping score), we just almost make an able bodied person. It's teamwork that keeps us in an upright position putting one foot in front of the other. He gets his stitches out on Thursday so I have to stay healthy enough to get him there. If I had been in an accident we'd really be in a pickle. Maybe he can loose the pillow in the sling and start bending like Beckham or like Mark E. I hope we have enough pea salad to get him through till I get home tomorrow.

Now where should we go . . . . . .

<3 is kind (but may be prone to cabin fever)



1203 Report 3.4.14
As I said later in my earlier report (I really do like this opening line and it makes perfect sense sensibly): Breaking news! 1203 is wearing jeans that he put on unassisted after I left. I see the not so surprising pea salad had magical powers. Yea Mark!

So I no sooner got home than 1203 was asking to put on a jacket. I talked him into wearing a long sleeve denim over his T-shirt. As soon as we got him put together he was ready to go vote. My butt had not been on the sofa more than 30 minutes. But we went to vote, went to dinner, bought a couple things from the store (Ice creaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!) dropped off some things for my brother and headed home.

I am hoping the cabin fever has broken though I am sure he can hardly contain himself after mastering the blue jeans. On Thursday I will drive 1203 to the very fine Dr Todd to remove the shoulder stitches. I have a feeling that will open up a lot more activities for him. Physical therapy, no pillow insert in the sling, using his whole arm even from the elbow up, two armed hugs, petting both dogs simultaneously. The list is long of what may be coming soon. :)

Love is kind (and looks sexy in jeans)



1203 Report 3.5.14
Another good day for 1203 and he somehow scored a bonus excursion. The number one brother-in-law called and invited him to lunch! Over lunch they discussed how retirement will be much better when the wives are home too. 1203 has decided the next time he retires, he will only retire when and if I do too. Being home alone all day is not as entertaining as you might expect.

1203 may be heading back to work on light duty and it could be even as soon as next week. We should find out in the morning what happens next after the stitches come out. Early Dr appointment and house guests ETA just keeps moving closer to 5 a.m. Tomorrow will be early and stressful. Not to mention it's also my BFF's BFF's birthday. I just hope I can stay awake through birthday dinner. Note to self: order coffee with dinner. We have been adjusting slowly day after day and even during pre-op to life as it has morphed slowly from two strong arms to one in a sling. From what it was to what it is and as always life just keeps moving forward.

1203 and me, we will keep moving forward too. We'll hold hands, go for walks, visit our boy and his family, hug, snore, laugh, help each other when needed, dance and when we grow old (NOT UP), we'll retire. I suspect after that we will hold hands, go for walks in other places, visit our boy and his family, hug, snore, laugh, help each other when needed, and dance all night even if it's a week night.

Love is kind (in sickness and in health)


1203 Report 3.6.14
As expected today started way earlier than either of us wanted. Phone rang at 2:45 am and by 3:00 we were making our way downtown. 1203 knows I am not a morning person and he apologized as we drove closer to the bus station. I think I had consumed a roady cup of coffee and was back in bed by 4 something-ish. 1203 stayed up to calm the barking dogs and help the guests settle in.

The Dr appointment was at 8 this morning but we were about 15 minutes late. He almost stayed up after the return trip but he nodded off sometime after 6:30 so he woke me at 7:35 and once again we hit the road with purpose and in a hurry. The Gram*E*Mobeel drove quickly as 1203 gave directions to drive around the heavier traffic.

More apologies as he checked in at the desk and we sat quietly for just a few minutes. His name was called and he asked me to come too. His stitches were removed without fanfare and he seemed to forget the questions he had been saving up so I began to ask on his behalf. Yes he can drive as long as he is not taking pain meds. No he cannot take the pillow out of the sling yet. Maybe in three weeks. He can take the sling off to shower and sleep if he wants but he must continue to wear it. His left arm should not push down or raise up but it can help button a shirt and other light duties. Physical therapy location was agreed to and he even made an appointment and went today I found out later. It was going to be 3 times a week but he did so well, he only has to go twice a week. Atta boy Mark E! :)

We took the long way home from the doctor's office and picked up a drive through breakfast. We rounded our corner, I pulled into the driveway, rushed inside, topped off my coffee, brushed my teeth and Mark repacked my lunch and I boomeranged back on to the road and off to work I went. Being almost 3 1/2 hours later than usual made for a busy day. So busy I hardly noticed my fragmented sleep from the night before. Luckily we have as much coffee as a hospital waiting room available at work and I may have consumed twice my weight in coffee. Yea, I'm cool with that.

Got home after work and as we were catching up with our day I learned that 1203 has graduated to putting on and taking off his shirt. As we continued to chat, I got a text from my BFF with birthday dinner inquiry. We had a great time and 1203 and I both stayed awake the whole time. When we got home he was running on fumes and headed off for some well deserved z's. I think I may still be wound too tight but I am ready to join him. Tomorrow is Friday so just one more early morning to end this week. Can't wait to see what 1203 will discover next and looking forward to the weekend and a little extra sleep.

Love is kind (and apologizes without hesitation)

Kids say the darndest things

I am not willing to sacrifice my husband, my only son, his wife, his son or daughter or my friends and family so you can have military, in effect, shoot to kill weapons. I want smaller magazines, no bump stocks and I want to be relatively sure if a member of my family is outside the home doing life, a bad actor does not mow them down because they have anger issues and or seeking revenge against another or any other reason. I want the laws to be nationwide so people on the edges of states can't hop over to another and get something their state has declared unlawful and then perhaps sell them out of their car without a background check. Fortunately I have not lost a family member or friend to gun violence. Ask the parents that have lost a child what they want. They have made the ultimate involuntary sacrifice. Who will be next if the powers that be remain frozen and do nothing.


Thoughts and prayers?



This should not be an all or nothing arrangement. Name a law that is followed 100%. One. If we don't have laws we are creating unnecessary chaos. Do you know about the teacher that fed a live puppy to a snapping turtle? Want him to have a gun - in the school? Veterans? We haven't given veterans what they need in a very long time. What are the chances something at the school will trigger a flashback or maybe undiagnosed PTSD. Suicide? Veterans have a higher rate of suicide. He or she should have a gun in school?

Texas has more than 1.2 million residents who are active holders of concealed handgun permits. No laws regulating long guns such as shotguns and rifles other than existing federal restrictions. Machine guns are allowed for possession in the state according to Texas gun laws, as long as they are registered on the federal level. Armor-piercing ammo is considered illegal to possess and sell.




So sad that the students have to take action because the grown ups  cower under their desks in the pockets of the NRA and political party. What better way to learn that elections have consequences. Among the crowd of students that walked out of class today, there is a future president. He or she is getting ground level education. Students do not need to know everything to be politically active. Sometimes you just have to get out there and learn from each other. I support all students participating in #NationalWalkoutDay and #MarchForOurLives


  • Love your family? 
    • Invest in our future
      • Save a kid
        • Save yourself





Monday, March 5, 2018

Hearts (are meant to be broken)

A broken heart is really a right of passage. A badge of grief. If we live long enough we will all experience a heartbreaking loss. Even in grade school a classmate moves away and we are broken. We can attempt to harden our heart but it will break just the same under the right conditions. We suffer a loss. Suffer! But for me, I am going to embrace my broken heart. The cracks make it expand to let more love inside. So yes, <3 's are meant to be broken and that is the best good bad I can think of. Love is kind (and hurts sometime).


Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
A heart unbroken
Is covered with rust

Whether dream or lie
There go I
Be broken or not
My heart will not rot

It seeks and searches
Pain reverses
It strikes it flails
In darkness it wails

Rust it won't be
The color of me
Loving out loud
Alone in a crowd


Tuesday, January 30, 2018

It's a wonderful life


I have been on the roller coaster of life for almost 62 years. Lately I have lost the will to remain upright. I have multiple lipomas, chronic pain and extreme fatigue, COPD, and bone spurs just to name a few. Sometimes I can walk and sometimes I limp. Fibromyalgia makes everything hurt. Muscles, soft tissue and even my bones ache and hurt. I have multiple medications. Two drugs are for depression which I will take for as long as I exist. Even with medication the pain is always there and will last as long as I exist as well. Always.

At the end of 2017 I had surgery on my neck and through no fault of my own I was unable to take my medications for several days and found myself once again slipping into the darkness. I have been on that ledge before due to miscarriages and self doubt in my journey through life. With counselling I was able to live life in a better state of mind. Even then I wondered what is my purpose? By then as a child myself I had saved a girl at camp. As the older me and at separate family reunions I also rescued my niece and nephew, and while on vacation my Mother and another child from drowning. Made friends, written poetry, played guitar enjoyed family gatherings, sang at fiddle contests with a friend. Sang solo in a pizza place and discovered I did not care for the spotlight to be directed on me. As a teenager I had hoped to be a disc jockey. Tragically that never happened but I have had music in my life for as long as I can remember. Our family played guitars and sang for the joy of it. I always want "to do" everything with joy.

Since my counselling sessions in my mid twenties my husband and I became foster parents in the hopes of adopting. God said no to that also. The joy? We had one biological son that was a good egg. We are so very proud of the man and father he came to be. His son and daughter are doing well and we are also proud of them. They live about three hours thirty minutes away so we don't see them as often as we might. The joy? They found a church where all are welcome. As they serve the church and their community they are also comforted and nurtured. We attend their church when we are able and I have wanted to join. We have attended so often a couple of the congregation sent me flowers and well wishes after my neck surgery. It is a real church family.

Due to chronic health issues I will retire this year. Because of my health issues my husband will continue to work for health insurance coverage for both of us. While I feel some guilt mixed with relief I have yet to find the joy in this upcoming event. I am grateful to have him sacrifice for me but it limits what we can do together. I haven't yet determined what good I can do after retirement. My days are such that I never know what level of energy and mobility if any I may have or what level of pain to expect so whatever I might do will be spontaneous at best.

So where or what is the thing that gets me to the other side? How long will this life be? I must be wandering instead of following the path of my destiny. With age I have learned to be more patient. Maybe my earthly purpose will be revealed soon.

I am tired.

Ready but still waiting.




Monday, January 15, 2018

Time's up!

I am listening to a pastor who is defending Robert Moore. Men just don't get it! And apparently a pastor doesn't notice either. Wouldn't it be true that even from childhood you were instructed, encouraged, bribed and whatever else it took to be on your best behavior at church and especially anywhere at anytime your pastor or other church members are present? Most likely you would behave much like you would on a first date. Polite, kind, gentle in words and actions. Putting your best foot forward (not in your mouth). Isn't it also true that there has always been a "good old boy" way of thinking for the most part? Thankfully Moore did not win the election but we all have to stay vigilant and ensure we can get the bad "actors", male and female out of office. Vote for a candidate not a letter by a name. 

Boys will be boys. Yes they will but at some point they should grow up and have respect for themselves and those in their circle. This should include girls and woman old and young. Such a double standard when it comes to behavior. I believe the female gender has taken enough from those who would have no qualms to grope, expose themselves, assert unwanted attention  because of their standing or stature. We need to encourage our daughters to be who they want to be and to speak up when the male gender gets out of line.

And if your pastor is making excuses for the behavior of men or preaching hate of any kind, you are in the wrong place. That is not a congregation, it's a cult. Run as fast as you can and find a real place of worship. God is love. Love is kind. 

#TimesUp





The Best Place to Be ~ For Susan

























Friendship is organic ~ 
Love is kind and sees in we
And in all the world
That's the best place to be

With a friend who loves you
Who knows all your flaws
A friend who comes running
Anytime you call


I'll collect your tear drops

And your laughter too
As you collect mine also
It's just what friends do

I love when you talk to me
And get right in my face
I can't look away from you
As you take over my space

I listen as you speak

And gaze into your eyes
As our hearts let go
Of all the wheres and whys


You have my full attention 
I cannot look away 
You remind me that I'm raining 
On this fine sunny day

Right Where We Are

 A murder of crows A bouquet of toes A gaggle of geese A mouth full of teeth A herd of cows An eye full of wows A star in the night A wish w...