So this (the below) is that (the above) ~ Check please!

I went to a restaurant (owned by members of my family) that was celebrating a milestone anniversary. There were people everywhere. Not all family but a lot of people. My husband, sister, brother-in-law, cousins and so on. I took a seat with the family and soon had a friend join me who regularly goes there anyway. I introduced him to the table and he and I talked most of the evening. I hardly heard more than a polite greeting save for my cousin who did take the time to kiss me on the cheek as she whooshed by. We had a meal and as we were ready to leave my sister was asking about her check to which my other cousin said she would cover hers. My sister looked at me and asked her about mine. She was silent. So my sister said if you aren't getting Wanda's it's not fair to get mine.

As you can probably tell, my sister and cousin are more like sisters than me and my sister. That's fine with me. I am more like sisters with my best friend than my sister so I get it. But since our favorite aunt passed away, the family tree seems to be trying to shake me completely out of the tree. My sister and I paid our checks and I have no idea if I will bother going anymore if no one is there who will say more than a polite hello. How much clearer can life get? I'll go peaceably. Life is too short to invest in unhealthy relationships even when they are family.

So.

Polite greetings.

Got it. 

👦👧👨👩👪👫👭👬👷👸👼👲👱👴👵💁

So this (the below) is that (the above).

💕💖💗💘💏💓💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💣💔

I talk to strangers so I don't feel alone

Most relatives avoid me, no one phones

I am not the black sheep or the crazy cousin

I am the zebra with stripes by the dozen

I try to be a joy, try to be the light

I try to play nice, I try not to fight

I am an independent just left of center

Our family crest must read, "Do Not Enter"

Zebras are just not allowed within this clan

Or other animals who take a stand

A black sheep, white sheep, red, even brown or yellow

You don't belong. . .

Run along little fellow

Snuggles and Cuddles

Yes Father's day is so close but a girlfriend posted this on Facebook with adorable photos of her twins. (Kids are just precious to Mothers and Fathers):

'I absolutely love sleeping photos. There's something magical about the stillness, sweetness, and serenity they capture. I think I'd like to make two photo books filled with sleeping photos, lullabies, and some of our nighttime sayings for each of our Littles'.

Being an "old" Mom my heart was inspired and interpreted what she said like this:

Snuggles and cuddles with nursery rhymes
Lullabies, blankets then sleepy time
First one dozes then there goes the other
The day is done ~ so glad I'm their Mother

I turn off the light but I am still beaming
They are both sweet now what needs cleaning
Soon we will get up and start a new day
With breakfast and hugs then time to play

💖  💗  💘  Love is kind (and may be seen in rhyme). 💖  💗  💘

The 1203 Chronicles

2.26.14
It's been a long busy day with patient 1203. But we got an early start and made it through the routing without complications. Now it's time for "Nurse Ratchet" to kick back, relax and give some praise and rest in joy. Night y'all and don't forget to give thanks for those you love and those that love you. Love is kind. Coffee is good.

Meanwhile in a state far away . . .

2.27.14
Today is experiment day. I am here for support but not doing much on his behalf. I had the coffee pot ready to just pour the water and did not have the lids on our coffee cups or carafe. This was very helpful he said because he had a bit of trouble when he was ready for the second cup.
Trying to discover what he can't do without help before I go back to work. So far I have had to open the new, never opened peanut butter jar and he said making a sandwhich was a bit of a struggle but he did it. :) We did get him in a pullover shirt without too much pain and he is enjoying being button free. He had to keep his head elevated for the first 24 hours so he was on the couch last night and I was not. Tonight I am hoping we can travel to Dreamland together.

Love is kind <3

1203 Report 3.1.14
Just three days post op and another great day for 1203 and me. Favorite son and favorite grandkids made it in safely last night. After the kids agreed who slept where, we all settled in and I enjoyed a long cuddle and we drifted to peaceful slumber side by side.

He brought the princess coffee that was announced quietly as it was placed at my bedside. As I heard it, "your coffee is ready for you to wake up if you choose but if you snooze, you will have a few more minutes". After a 10 minute delay my snooze alarm, the sweetest girl (in a sling) came to announce that Pop E said it was time to wake up. I got up, showered and as my son and I agreed the night before, we'd all go to breakfast. Sling buddies Pop E and Sweet Pea,

Sean, B-dawg and me.

As we were seated at the restaurant we had two extra chairs so I called my "big blister" who lives very near by to invite to sit in the available chairs. I was almost turned down but she and Bear came and after catching up on who broke what and how is it now we got to hear of their great adventure to Hawaii. I told you it was a great day!

I was really hoping she would bring me a dolphin but I wasn't sure if they had a big enough zip lock bag. Turns out none of the dolphins followed them home. 1203 and I will just have to visit them in person.

If the mountain won't come to Muhammad, Muhammad must go to the mountain. Yea, we're cool like that. 😍

Night y'all

1203 Report 3.2.14
Today was uneventful for 1203. He very likely has end stages of cabin fever though. We didn't go anywhere Sunday or today. Yesterday he was really hoping I would be snowed in with him today. And who doesn't want someone to play with if you are not sick and home alone? Probably would have gone mad if not for the pea salad I made yesterday.

It was supposed to be a surprise but he caught me in the act. I told him it was for the tuna salad that he knew I was making but apparently he is taking less pain medications so he didn't believe my story at all. English peas does not a tuna salad make. Making surprise pea salad is tricky but I will not go quietly into that good night, Old age should burn and rage at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light as the refrigerator door is closed. I shall not give up!

So I wasn't snowed in but I did go in an hour late this morning. A bit of black ice and stunt drivers were everywhere. Thought I'd have a better chance of dodging them with a bit of sunlight. As we are trying to prepare for temporary house guests I find I have the back of an old lady. So between Mark's shoulder, my back, ankle, knee and wrist (not broken wrist if anyone is keeping score), we just almost make an able bodied person. It's teamwork that keeps us in an upright position putting one foot in front of the other. He gets his stitches out on Thursday so I have to stay healthy enough to get him there. If I had been in an accident we'd really be in a pickle. Maybe he can loose the pillow in the sling and start bending like Beckham or like Mark E. I hope we have enough pea salad to get him through till I get home tomorrow.

Now where should we go . . . . . .

<3 is kind (but may be prone to cabin fever)



1203 Report 3.4.14
As I said later in my earlier report (I really do like this opening line and it makes perfect sense sensibly): Breaking news! 1203 is wearing jeans that he put on unassisted after I left. I see the not so surprising pea salad had magical powers. Yea Mark!

So I no sooner got home than 1203 was asking to put on a jacket. I talked him into wearing a long sleeve denim over his T-shirt. As soon as we got him put together he was ready to go vote. My butt had not been on the sofa more than 30 minutes. But we went to vote, went to dinner, bought a couple things from the store (Ice creaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!) dropped off some things for my brother and headed home.

I am hoping the cabin fever has broken though I am sure he can hardly contain himself after mastering the blue jeans. On Thursday I will drive 1203 to the very fine Dr Todd to remove the shoulder stitches. I have a feeling that will open up a lot more activities for him. Physical therapy, no pillow insert in the sling, using his whole arm even from the elbow up, two armed hugs, petting both dogs simultaneously. The list is long of what may be coming soon. :)

Love is kind (and looks sexy in jeans)



1203 Report 3.5.14
Another good day for 1203 and he somehow scored a bonus excursion. The number one brother-in-law called and invited him to lunch! Over lunch they discussed how retirement will be much better when the wives are home too. 1203 has decided the next time he retires, he will only retire when and if I do too. Being home alone all day is not as entertaining as you might expect.

1203 may be heading back to work on light duty and it could be even as soon as next week. We should find out in the morning what happens next after the stitches come out. Early Dr appointment and house guests ETA just keeps moving closer to 5 a.m. Tomorrow will be early and stressful. Not to mention it's also my BFF's BFF's birthday. I just hope I can stay awake through birthday dinner. Note to self: order coffee with dinner. We have been adjusting slowly day after day and even during pre-op to life as it has morphed slowly from two strong arms to one in a sling. From what it was to what it is and as always life just keeps moving forward.

1203 and me, we will keep moving forward too. We'll hold hands, go for walks, visit our boy and his family, hug, snore, laugh, help each other when needed, dance and when we grow old (NOT UP), we'll retire. I suspect after that we will hold hands, go for walks in other places, visit our boy and his family, hug, snore, laugh, help each other when needed, and dance all night even if it's a week night.

Love is kind (in sickness and in health)


1203 Report 3.6.14
As expected today started way earlier than either of us wanted. Phone rang at 2:45 am and by 3:00 we were making our way downtown. 1203 knows I am not a morning person and he apologized as we drove closer to the bus station. I think I had consumed a roady cup of coffee and was back in bed by 4 something-ish. 1203 stayed up to calm the barking dogs and help the guests settle in.

The Dr appointment was at 8 this morning but we were about 15 minutes late. He almost stayed up after the return trip but he nodded off sometime after 6:30 so he woke me at 7:35 and once again we hit the road with purpose and in a hurry. The Gram*E*Mobeel drove quickly as 1203 gave directions to drive around the heavier traffic.

More apologies as he checked in at the desk and we sat quietly for just a few minutes. His name was called and he asked me to come too. His stitches were removed without fanfare and he seemed to forget the questions he had been saving up so I began to ask on his behalf. Yes he can drive as long as he is not taking pain meds. No he cannot take the pillow out of the sling yet. Maybe in three weeks. He can take the sling off to shower and sleep if he wants but he must continue to wear it. His left arm should not push down or raise up but it can help button a shirt and other light duties. Physical therapy location was agreed to and he even made an appointment and went today I found out later. It was going to be 3 times a week but he did so well, he only has to go twice a week. Atta boy Mark E! :)

We took the long way home from the doctor's office and picked up a drive through breakfast. We rounded our corner, I pulled into the driveway, rushed inside, topped off my coffee, brushed my teeth and Mark repacked my lunch and I boomeranged back on to the road and off to work I went. Being almost 3 1/2 hours later than usual made for a busy day. So busy I hardly noticed my fragmented sleep from the night before. Luckily we have as much coffee as a hospital waiting room available at work and I may have consumed twice my weight in coffee. Yea, I'm cool with that.

Got home after work and as we were catching up with our day I learned that 1203 has graduated to putting on and taking off his shirt. As we continued to chat, I got a text from my BFF with birthday dinner inquiry. We had a great time and 1203 and I both stayed awake the whole time. When we got home he was running on fumes and headed off for some well deserved z's. I think I may still be wound too tight but I am ready to join him. Tomorrow is Friday so just one more early morning to end this week. Can't wait to see what 1203 will discover next and looking forward to the weekend and a little extra sleep.

Love is kind (and apologizes without hesitation)

Kids say the darndest things

I am not willing to sacrifice my husband, my only son, his wife, his son or daughter or my friends and family so you can have military, in effect, shoot to kill weapons. I want smaller magazines, no bump stocks and I want to be relatively sure if a member of my family is outside the home doing life, a bad actor does not mow them down because they have anger issues and or seeking revenge against another or any other reason. I want the laws to be nationwide so people on the edges of states can't hop over to another and get something their state has declared unlawful and then perhaps sell them out of their car without a background check. Fortunately I have not lost a family member or friend to gun violence. Ask the parents that have lost a child what they want. They have made the ultimate involuntary sacrifice. Who will be next if the powers that be remain frozen and do nothing.

Thoughts and prayers?

This should not be an all or nothing arrangement. Name a law that is followed 100%. One. If we don't have laws we are creating unnecessary chaos. Do you know about the teacher that fed a live puppy to a snapping turtle? Want him to have a gun - in the school? Veterans? We haven't given veterans what they need in a very long time. What are the chances something at the school will trigger a flashback or maybe undiagnosed PTSD. Suicide? Veterans have a higher rate of suicide. He or she should have a gun in school?

Texas has more than 1.2 million residents who are active holders of concealed handgun permits. No laws regulating long guns such as shotguns and rifles other than existing federal restrictions. Machine guns are allowed for possession in the state according to Texas gun laws, as long as they are registered on the federal level. Armor-piercing ammo is considered illegal to possess and sell.

So sad that the students have to take action because the grown ups  cower under their desks in the pockets of the NRA and political party. What better way to learn that elections have consequences. Among the crowd of students that walked out of class today, there is a future president. He or she is getting ground level education. Students do not need to know everything to be politically active. Sometimes you just have to get out there and learn from each other. I support all students participating in #NationalWalkoutDay and #MarchForOurLives

• Love your family? 
• Invest in our future
• Save a kid
• Save yourself

Hearts (are meant to be broken)

A broken heart is really a right of passage. A badge of grief. If we live long enough we will all experience a heartbreaking loss. Even in grade school a classmate moves away and we are broken. We can attempt to harden our heart but it will break just the same under the right conditions. We suffer a loss. Suffer! But for me, I am going to embrace my broken heart. The cracks make it expand to let more love inside. So yes, <3 's are meant to be broken and that is the best good bad I can think of. Love is kind (and hurts sometime).

Ashes to ashes

Dust to dust

A heart unbroken

Is covered with rust

Whether dream or lie

There go I

Be broken or not

My heart will not rot

It seeks and searches

Pain reverses

It strikes it flails

In darkness it wails

Rust it won't be

The color of me

Loving out loud

Alone in a crowd

It's a wonderful life

I have been on the roller coaster of life for almost 62 years. Lately I have lost the will to remain upright. I have multiple lipomas, chronic pain and extreme fatigue, COPD, and bone spurs just to name a few. Sometimes I can walk and sometimes I limp. Fibromyalgia makes everything hurt. Muscles, soft tissue and even my bones ache and hurt. I have multiple medications. Two drugs are for depression which I will take for as long as I exist. Even with medication the pain is always there and will last as long as I exist as well. Always.

At the end of 2017 I had surgery on my neck and through no fault of my own I was unable to take my medications for several days and found myself once again slipping into the darkness. I have been on that ledge before due to miscarriages and self doubt in my journey through life. With counselling I was able to live life in a better state of mind. Even then I wondered what is my purpose? By then as a child myself I had saved a girl at camp. As the older me and at separate family reunions I also rescued my niece and nephew, and while on vacation my Mother and another child from drowning. Made friends, written poetry, played guitar enjoyed family gatherings, sang at fiddle contests with a friend. Sang solo in a pizza place and discovered I did not care for the spotlight to be directed on me. As a teenager I had hoped to be a disc jockey. Tragically that never happened but I have had music in my life for as long as I can remember. Our family played guitars and sang for the joy of it. I always want "to do" everything with joy.

Since my counselling sessions in my mid twenties my husband and I became foster parents in the hopes of adopting. God said no to that also. The joy? We had one biological son that was a good egg. We are so very proud of the man and father he came to be. His son and daughter are doing well and we are also proud of them. They live about three hours thirty minutes away so we don't see them as often as we might. The joy? They found a church where all are welcome. As they serve the church and their community they are also comforted and nurtured. We attend their church when we are able and I have wanted to join. We have attended so often a couple of the congregation sent me flowers and well wishes after my neck surgery. It is a real church family.

Due to chronic health issues I will retire this year. Because of my health issues my husband will continue to work for health insurance coverage for both of us. While I feel some guilt mixed with relief I have yet to find the joy in this upcoming event. I am grateful to have him sacrifice for me but it limits what we can do together. I haven't yet determined what good I can do after retirement. My days are such that I never know what level of energy and mobility if any I may have or what level of pain to expect so whatever I might do will be spontaneous at best.

So where or what is the thing that gets me to the other side? How long will this life be? I must be wandering instead of following the path of my destiny. With age I have learned to be more patient. Maybe my earthly purpose will be revealed soon.

I am tired.

Ready but still waiting.

Time's up!

I am listening to a pastor who is defending Robert Moore. Men just don't get it! And apparently a pastor doesn't notice either. Wouldn't it be true that even from childhood you were instructed, encouraged, bribed and whatever else it took to be on your best behavior at church and especially anywhere at anytime your pastor or other church members are present? Most likely you would behave much like you would on a first date. Polite, kind, gentle in words and actions. Putting your best foot forward (not in your mouth). Isn't it also true that there has always been a "good old boy" way of thinking for the most part? Thankfully Moore did not win the election but we all have to stay vigilant and ensure we can get the bad "actors", male and female out of office. Vote for a candidate not a letter by a name. 

Boys will be boys. Yes they will but at some point they should grow up and have respect for themselves and those in their circle. This should include girls and woman old and young. Such a double standard when it comes to behavior. I believe the female gender has taken enough from those who would have no qualms to grope, expose themselves, assert unwanted attention  because of their standing or stature. We need to encourage our daughters to be who they want to be and to speak up when the male gender gets out of line.

And if your pastor is making excuses for the behavior of men or preaching hate of any kind, you are in the wrong place. That is not a congregation, it's a cult. Run as fast as you can and find a real place of worship. God is love. Love is kind. 

#TimesUp

The Best Place to Be ~ For Susan

Friendship is organic ~ 
Love is kind and sees in we
And in all the world
That's the best place to be

With a friend who loves you
Who knows all your flaws
A friend who comes running
Anytime you call


I'll collect your tear drops
And your laughter too
As you collect mine also
It's just what friends do

I love when you talk to me
And get right in my face
I can't look away from you
As you take over my space

I listen as you speak
And gaze into your eyes
As our hearts let go
Of all the wheres and whys


You have my full attention 
I cannot look away 
You remind me that I'm raining 
On this fine sunny day

Merry Christmas To You

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even my spouse;
We watched a movie and had a good snack,
Then straight to bed, he with two dogs on his back

We twisted and turned just to get into our bed
You can take Sid, no get Izzy instead
I tossed as he turned ~ the dogs did the same
"Shh, quiet!" as we called each dog by name

We tugged and pulled on the covers all night,
Hoping to see they would cover us right
As we watched TV, the light would  flicker,
Now and then one of us would snicker

More tossing and turning all thru the night,
Till we found a hand to hold, in the absence of light
We squeezed and patted, the hands as we dreamed
Knowing that Santa would see our hearts beam

2017 has been so strange and so hard
We are both mainly scratched, not too many scars
2018 will bring its own problems too
But for now we will wish
                Merry Christmas to you ~

Just Another Fibromyalgia Day

Aches and pains

Energy drained

Time to walk the dogs

Another block

No time to stop

Almost time to eat

Take a pill

Against my will

Take some time to blog

Eat some food

Very well chewed

Go to bed I'm beat

Morning comes

Again begun

Coffee please for me

Feeling down

Not blue but brown

Wish to be pain free

Aches and pains

Energy drained

Time to walk the dogs

God Bless Texas ~ Thoughts and Prayers

Broken hearts are hard to mend
For doctors, family or even a friend
So much anger, too much hate
Too many people with too much on their plate

Heartaches happen every day
A bad actor comes to steal lives away
At a school a movie concert or church
No time to address all the hurt

Thoughts and prayers have all been given
Multiple times from us the still living
It's true we can't stop every one
Let's regulate bullets if not the gun