The 1203 Chronicles

2.26.14
It's been a long busy day with patient 1203. But we got an early start and made it through the routing without complications. Now it's time for "Nurse Ratchet" to kick back, relax and give some praise and rest in joy. Night y'all and don't forget to give thanks for those you love and those that love you. Love is kind. Coffee is good.

Meanwhile in a state far away . . .

2.27.14
Today is experiment day. I am here for support but not doing much on his behalf. I had the coffee pot ready to just pour the water and did not have the lids on our coffee cups or carafe. This was very helpful he said because he had a bit of trouble when he was ready for the second cup.
Trying to discover what he can't do without help before I go back to work. So far I have had to open the new, never opened peanut butter jar and he said making a sandwhich was a bit of a struggle but he did it. :) We did get him in a pullover shirt without too much pain and he is enjoying being button free. He had to keep his head elevated for the first 24 hours so he was on the couch last night and I was not. Tonight I am hoping we can travel to Dreamland together.

Love is kind <3

1203 Report 3.1.14
Just three days post op and another great day for 1203 and me. Favorite son and favorite grandkids made it in safely last night. After the kids agreed who slept where, we all settled in and I enjoyed a long cuddle and we drifted to peaceful slumber side by side.

He brought the princess coffee that was announced quietly as it was placed at my bedside. As I heard it, "your coffee is ready for you to wake up if you choose but if you snooze, you will have a few more minutes". After a 10 minute delay my snooze alarm, the sweetest girl (in a sling) came to announce that Pop E said it was time to wake up. I got up, showered and as my son and I agreed the night before, we'd all go to breakfast. Sling buddies Pop E and Sweet Pea,

Sean, B-dawg and me.

As we were seated at the restaurant we had two extra chairs so I called my "big blister" who lives very near by to invite to sit in the available chairs. I was almost turned down but she and Bear came and after catching up on who broke what and how is it now we got to hear of their great adventure to Hawaii. I told you it was a great day!

I was really hoping she would bring me a dolphin but I wasn't sure if they had a big enough zip lock bag. Turns out none of the dolphins followed them home. 1203 and I will just have to visit them in person.

If the mountain won't come to Muhammad, Muhammad must go to the mountain. Yea, we're cool like that. 😍

Night y'all

1203 Report 3.2.14
Today was uneventful for 1203. He very likely has end stages of cabin fever though. We didn't go anywhere Sunday or today. Yesterday he was really hoping I would be snowed in with him today. And who doesn't want someone to play with if you are not sick and home alone? Probably would have gone mad if not for the pea salad I made yesterday.

It was supposed to be a surprise but he caught me in the act. I told him it was for the tuna salad that he knew I was making but apparently he is taking less pain medications so he didn't believe my story at all. English peas does not a tuna salad make. Making surprise pea salad is tricky but I will not go quietly into that good night, Old age should burn and rage at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light as the refrigerator door is closed. I shall not give up!

So I wasn't snowed in but I did go in an hour late this morning. A bit of black ice and stunt drivers were everywhere. Thought I'd have a better chance of dodging them with a bit of sunlight. As we are trying to prepare for temporary house guests I find I have the back of an old lady. So between Mark's shoulder, my back, ankle, knee and wrist (not broken wrist if anyone is keeping score), we just almost make an able bodied person. It's teamwork that keeps us in an upright position putting one foot in front of the other. He gets his stitches out on Thursday so I have to stay healthy enough to get him there. If I had been in an accident we'd really be in a pickle. Maybe he can loose the pillow in the sling and start bending like Beckham or like Mark E. I hope we have enough pea salad to get him through till I get home tomorrow.

Now where should we go . . . . . .

<3 is kind (but may be prone to cabin fever)



1203 Report 3.4.14
As I said later in my earlier report (I really do like this opening line and it makes perfect sense sensibly): Breaking news! 1203 is wearing jeans that he put on unassisted after I left. I see the not so surprising pea salad had magical powers. Yea Mark!

So I no sooner got home than 1203 was asking to put on a jacket. I talked him into wearing a long sleeve denim over his T-shirt. As soon as we got him put together he was ready to go vote. My butt had not been on the sofa more than 30 minutes. But we went to vote, went to dinner, bought a couple things from the store (Ice creaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!) dropped off some things for my brother and headed home.

I am hoping the cabin fever has broken though I am sure he can hardly contain himself after mastering the blue jeans. On Thursday I will drive 1203 to the very fine Dr Todd to remove the shoulder stitches. I have a feeling that will open up a lot more activities for him. Physical therapy, no pillow insert in the sling, using his whole arm even from the elbow up, two armed hugs, petting both dogs simultaneously. The list is long of what may be coming soon. :)

Love is kind (and looks sexy in jeans)



1203 Report 3.5.14
Another good day for 1203 and he somehow scored a bonus excursion. The number one brother-in-law called and invited him to lunch! Over lunch they discussed how retirement will be much better when the wives are home too. 1203 has decided the next time he retires, he will only retire when and if I do too. Being home alone all day is not as entertaining as you might expect.

1203 may be heading back to work on light duty and it could be even as soon as next week. We should find out in the morning what happens next after the stitches come out. Early Dr appointment and house guests ETA just keeps moving closer to 5 a.m. Tomorrow will be early and stressful. Not to mention it's also my BFF's BFF's birthday. I just hope I can stay awake through birthday dinner. Note to self: order coffee with dinner. We have been adjusting slowly day after day and even during pre-op to life as it has morphed slowly from two strong arms to one in a sling. From what it was to what it is and as always life just keeps moving forward.

1203 and me, we will keep moving forward too. We'll hold hands, go for walks, visit our boy and his family, hug, snore, laugh, help each other when needed, dance and when we grow old (NOT UP), we'll retire. I suspect after that we will hold hands, go for walks in other places, visit our boy and his family, hug, snore, laugh, help each other when needed, and dance all night even if it's a week night.

Love is kind (in sickness and in health)


1203 Report 3.6.14
As expected today started way earlier than either of us wanted. Phone rang at 2:45 am and by 3:00 we were making our way downtown. 1203 knows I am not a morning person and he apologized as we drove closer to the bus station. I think I had consumed a roady cup of coffee and was back in bed by 4 something-ish. 1203 stayed up to calm the barking dogs and help the guests settle in.

The Dr appointment was at 8 this morning but we were about 15 minutes late. He almost stayed up after the return trip but he nodded off sometime after 6:30 so he woke me at 7:35 and once again we hit the road with purpose and in a hurry. The Gram*E*Mobeel drove quickly as 1203 gave directions to drive around the heavier traffic.

More apologies as he checked in at the desk and we sat quietly for just a few minutes. His name was called and he asked me to come too. His stitches were removed without fanfare and he seemed to forget the questions he had been saving up so I began to ask on his behalf. Yes he can drive as long as he is not taking pain meds. No he cannot take the pillow out of the sling yet. Maybe in three weeks. He can take the sling off to shower and sleep if he wants but he must continue to wear it. His left arm should not push down or raise up but it can help button a shirt and other light duties. Physical therapy location was agreed to and he even made an appointment and went today I found out later. It was going to be 3 times a week but he did so well, he only has to go twice a week. Atta boy Mark E! :)

We took the long way home from the doctor's office and picked up a drive through breakfast. We rounded our corner, I pulled into the driveway, rushed inside, topped off my coffee, brushed my teeth and Mark repacked my lunch and I boomeranged back on to the road and off to work I went. Being almost 3 1/2 hours later than usual made for a busy day. So busy I hardly noticed my fragmented sleep from the night before. Luckily we have as much coffee as a hospital waiting room available at work and I may have consumed twice my weight in coffee. Yea, I'm cool with that.

Got home after work and as we were catching up with our day I learned that 1203 has graduated to putting on and taking off his shirt. As we continued to chat, I got a text from my BFF with birthday dinner inquiry. We had a great time and 1203 and I both stayed awake the whole time. When we got home he was running on fumes and headed off for some well deserved z's. I think I may still be wound too tight but I am ready to join him. Tomorrow is Friday so just one more early morning to end this week. Can't wait to see what 1203 will discover next and looking forward to the weekend and a little extra sleep.

Love is kind (and apologizes without hesitation)

Just Another Fibromyalgia Day

Aches and pains

Energy drained

Time to walk the dogs

Another block

No time to stop

Almost time to eat

Take a pill

Against my will

Take some time to blog

Eat some food

Very well chewed

Go to bed I'm beat

Morning comes

Again begun

Coffee please for me

Feeling down

Not blue but brown

Wish to be pain free

Aches and pains

Energy drained

Time to walk the dogs

Again

And when is the best time to even discuss the ability for mass murders to occur without even one regulatory hurdle? It is certainly not the day of I hear. Ought not politicize such an event with any words beyond "thoughts and prayers". And certainly we cannot have a discussion for the first week after. Families need time to bury their loved ones. And not the week after that. So many loose ends to finalize and plans to make for the children and pets left behind. By the third week the next crisis takes over the news cycle and as all good Americans do, we move on with our lives and forget to remind our representatives that we are requiring action. Now is not the time for thoughts and prayers. Now is the time for action to minimize the need for so many thoughts and prayers.

Can one person make a difference? Today one did.

Can you make a difference? Yes you can. Use your voice, use your vote. Stand up. Speak out. Be bold. Be kind. Let your relatives, friends and neighbors enjoy another moment of life. I don't want to play politics. I want to stand with others or alone and make a difference.

Therapy (from 198?)

I don't think I'm ready for what lies ahead
All those thoughts are spinning around in my head
She's suppose to help me, but I don't know how
Yet I hope it works so I can live in now
I hope it won't hurt me, telling her out loud
I pray she won't lose me somewhere in the crowd
I wish it was over, the things I'll need to say
Then happy after after could begin today

Whispers 7/18/1999

Pooh prefers honey and I prefer you
When I need someone to whisper to
I can rant and rave and carry on
Laugh or cry till the hurts all gone
Or just sit quiet and wait for a hug
A moment in time warmed with love
Pooh prefers honey and I prefer you
When I need someone to whisper to

Submissive 7/15/1999

I didn't take time, I didn't take care
I didn't notice you weren't standing there
I didn't call, I didn't write
I didn't growl, I didn't bite

I didn't take time, I didn't take care

I didn't not love you when you weren't there

I didn't think, I didn't act

I didn't know if you'd come back

I didn't take time, I didn't take care

Now I can feel it, it's everywhere

I didn't remember how could I forget

Just how lonely a soul can get

Poems from the dark

In the late 70's early 80's I found myself stumbling in the dark. The twelve year old me rose up and refused to allow the twenty something me not notice the little girl that never felt loved or comforted all those years ago. In her pain she screamed silently and begged for my attention and affection. I tried to write my thoughts and feelings as my counselling progressed. As you read these please know, this is not who I am today but where I've been and how I came to be me. I had to reconnect with a past that I'd much rather forget. All for the love of the little girl in me. Today she and I are both stronger and live in harmony. We have no secrets.

I tried to write my thoughts and feelings as my counselling progressed. These I have selected to share.

Insecure

Sometimes when I'm near you I break out in a sweat

I feel your dissatisfaction, I hope to pass the test

The closeness feels so distant, you vanish in thin air

I feel the need to touch you, to be certain you're still there

But I'm afraid it would scare you, to see me be that way

So I hope for tomorrow to be a better day

Prison

I live in my prison that I have built for me
The walls are very tall, it's hard for me to see
There are people on the outside, I don't know their names
But I can hear them laughing, talking and playing games
It's lonely in my prison so sometimes I want out
But the people are too noisy, they don't hear my shouts

Tomorrow

How can it be . . . that I am still alive

Where did it come from . . . the will to survive

No one tried to reach me those years I was lost

Still I had to have tomorrow no matter what the cost

I kept on searching, for what I still don't know

But I have hope to find it, so tomorrow here I go!

So Far ~ So Near

I don't know why I drink, it doesn't make me better

But when I'm in a daze, I think I'm all together

Then I can relax and forget about the past

But when I sober up it comes to me too fast

I start to feel sorry for me and those I've touched

I long to go back, before it hurt so much

The hurts turn to anger, the anger to fear

Then I'm confused, so far and so near

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry I haven't been a better friend for you

I'm sorry that I'm never sure of what I should do

I'm sorry I can't take away all the times you've seen me cry

I'm sorry I haven't an answer for all your wheres and whys

I'm sorry that you see me when I'm down and out

And when you say you love me I still have some doubts

I'm sorry I'm not the mountain that I wanted you to see

I'm sorry I'm not to you what you are to me

Friends

Cigarettes and coffee, thinking of you

And all the bad times that you helped me thru

You heard every heartbeat, you didn't blink an eye

It didn't seem to matter, but I still wonder why

You stayed with me to listen, you heard every word

You hoped that I'd feel better, to finally be cured

My life has been so stormy, I've felt things much too strong

But I have you to lean on, you make things not so wrong

Forget It

OK, I'm fine, forget it

I'll leave it behind

It doesn't matter who did it

I've already done the time

Now it's time to grow

To be alive again

I'll take it slow

And remember to bend

I won't dwell on the past

I'll just forge ahead

And I hope it lasts

The words I just said

Rainbows Are Rare

I believe it's hopeless, life is a waste of time

Everybody's hurting, the world is so unkind

What is the purpose to live another day

Is it another chance to find a better way

The storms come too often, rainbows are rare

Survival of the fittest - or for those who dare

Could one person make a difference in this life we live

Isn't it required for everyone to give

And for those who don't, what do they take

Whose life do they touch, whose heart do they break

What happens to broken people - where do they turn

Who feeds the fire - who watches them burn

When they're used up and choking from the smoke

Is there a tunnel of light, a glimmer of hope

Or do they build a wall, a shelter from the storm

And which do they wish had never been born

Themselves for being broken, not prepared to live

Or perhaps the takers who never learned to give

Who's There

Somethings got me but there's nobody there

And I can feel it but I don't know where

It makes me hurt, I can't point to the place

But it shows in my eyes, and on my face

Maybe it is a ghost from days gone by

Or just a shadow
           maybe it is I

Hugs

I really like hugs, they feel so nice

It's an ingredient, like a spice

They can make us feel so safe and sound

With a hug you can never fall down

I'll give one to you, and you to me

We'll both feel better, it's plain to see

A hug is just a moment, but the warmth lingers on

So we can still feel it, after the other has gone

Go Ahead Tomorrow

Go ahead tomorrow, give me your best shot

Go ahead and try me, I'll show you what I got

Sometimes you knock me down, but I get back on my feet

And everybody knows that life is bitter sweet

It's not a bed of roses, there's always good and bad

Go ahead tomorrow, you could make me glad

Go ahead tomorrow, let me feel the sun

Or rain on my parade, try and spoil my fun

Whatever you bring I'm ready and waiting for you

There's so much left to give so tomorrow, cheers to you!

Falling Star

I'm a falling star that you rarely see

When I burn out, to you I cease to be

But the glow reappears time after time

And for a while I wander through your mind

I yearn for you to see me when I'm dark

For then I'll know you've seen me straight from the heart

Time

You think we'll last forever

That time is on our side

Nothing will hurt us ever

So we just let things slide

We only see in glances

As if we're passing by

We've had so many chances

But still we let it lie

I don't know much about you

Or what you hope to be

If ever we have time to

Maybe latter, we'll see