Mother to Mother

The life and times of yours and mine
Mothers young or old the love light shines

Days go by, then weeks and years
And through it all we shed some tears

A child is born or a loved one dies
We gather together with bleary eyes

We live, we laugh, we dance and sing
We celebrate the simple things

A school recital a game a play
A family reunion that lasts all day

Family is the root of the tree
Providing fruit, the shade we need

Family is there when others are not
Mother to mother ready or not

   

Why tears are heavy

Ever wonder why tears are so heavy?

Tears are often contagious and on the outside they give the impression they cause harm. So much so that our first reaction is to try to make them stop. Our own tears or tears of a family member or friend we mostly react the same. We want them to stop but tears have healing properties if you just let them fall. For me, in my life, tears water my soul. They prevent me from drowning in sorrow when ravaged with grief. Soothe heartache (which often goes unnoticed to my mind because it can be a very, very, slow process). And over time tears dilute regrets so they sting less. Tears have the power to carve a path for remembrances to spontaneously erupt with unabashed laughter. Much like a playful dolphin breaking through the surface, dancing in the air briefly with pure joy.

Ever wonder what causes that sparkle on the water? I'm not a scientist but I am certain it is the light of joy emitting from millions of shared moments of lives and love lost but not forgotten.

Tears are meant to be and they do good work. So when I grieve, if you feel comfortable to do so, do give me a hug, a shoulder to lean on, squeeze my hand tightly so I can feel the strength of your heart with mine. Know my sorrow is mine. My grief is mine. If I have anger it too is mine. You cannot "fix" me nor I you but together we can share those memories and hold each other up and I will honor your grief, your pain, and your anger in kind.

For those who have fresh wounds know that love never dies and wherever they are they will love you from there just as you will continue to love them from here.

"I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil."

- J. R. R. Tolkien

Love is kind (often tearful), and I'm ok with that.

Crayons, Coloring books and Bob

Yesterday, 9/12/15, I found out my favorite aunt had fallen and soon after, possibly in the ambulance, also suffered a stroke. We didn't see each other often but she is the one that comforted my "big blister" and I after our mother died. She even came to our church to be with us the first Mother's day after Mothers passing. She found ways to soften our transition to being fully orphaned and took us out for dinner on or around our birthday most years after. I looked forward to those dinners with just us girls and our spouses. No cousins allowed! This was our time. 

When my husband and I first arrived she seemed disoriented and confused even to the point that I didn't think she knew who I was. Finally realizing yes, she had had a stroke and her right side was not functioning. She can't see me standing here. I made my way to the left side as my cousin and big blister yielded. As I shuffled closer her bruised and swollen face flashed a smile that lifted my heart and after that I truly believed she knew it was me. Her speech was slurred and I didn't understand much of what she said but I listened intently to it all and reassured her it would get better. Every day it would get better. Her only job was to rest and get better. 

I brought her coloring books, crayons and a small stuffed Minion I introduced to her as King Bob. One of the coloring books was My Little Pony and the other was Minions. Both coloring books came with four primary colored crayons. I explained that a choice of four crayons is not really a choice and that is why we bought the bigger box. It contained 24 new high tech crayons that twisted to allow a larger usable crayon instead of having to peel the paper away. 

As she studied my face I explained that I wasn't sure if she had heard of Minions or remembered what they look like so I brought King Bob to model for the coloring book if needed. She seemed impressed and I hoped that soon I would walk into her room and find her honing her fine motor skills with the help of crayons, coloring books and Bob. I also encouraged her to play with him. I told her as she began to feel better she could have some fun with her visitors by nudging Bob onto the floor or if she was strong enough she could toss him across the room when the time was right and no one would be the wiser. I said you can play fetch whenever you have people in the room. They will pick him up every time! (I was delighted to hear that my cousin walked into her room the next morning to find her Mother, my favorite aunt, clutching Bob in her left hand). 

I think I was able to connect, encourage and comfort my cousins daughter as she was making her way around the room saying her goodbyes. After all my years, and all the losses, I still, to this day and into the foreseeable future, have no idea how to say goodbye to a loved one. After so many years I know how death works. Me and my broken heart really know that. So many losses and I still feel as though they just recently passed on. Often I find no comfort where comfort should be and as the people around me dwindle I cannot imagine that the grief of this life will ever be something that I can deal with gracefully.

My favorite memory of my Aunt June didn't happen too long ago. She me and 1203 (long story short, 1203 is my husband) had a very deep and honest discussion of things she had never spoken to anyone else about. That intimacy and renewed bond will forever be with me and will remain till time is no more. And while we wait for God to do his work and hear our prayers I am certain that she heard me yesterday and will love me from wherever she is as I will love her through my grief and beyond. Fifty nine years on this earth and still not good at goodbye.

As mentioned in one of my earlier post: What words could possibly be spoken that would comfort another? What words can truly express the feelings of those touched by loss and if I am the one grieving, what words can lift the veil? How do we communicate death to a child or someone child like? How do we respond to a grieving heart that can distract enough to allow just a moment of relief? We have words that can cut us to the bone but what words bring comfort? I think it isn't so much the pain and heartache but more the anguish that leaves us broken without words.It is my experience that the sadness of death is like a tsunami that floods the heart with grief. Friends and family are swept in as the words are spoken announcing the loss and collectively but uniquely we rage against the force of the waters. Waters that have (this time) spared us and taken a loved one. As the waves continue to crash on the shore we stop thrashing as often and allow our broken hearts to ride the waves that are rhythmically lifting us to the next sunrise.

Today the doctors are not optimistic that a recovery is possible. Tomorrow will begin another sunrise and all things are possible. Love is kind (and for now is reflected in the form of crayons, coloring books and a Minion named Bob).

Sunflowers and other people variations

If we were all plants we would't expect the succulents to require the same amount of water or sunshine as the arid or more tropical varieties. It would just be a botanical fact that ALL plants have different requirements to reach their full growth height and we WOULDN'T JUDGE them if they wilted and withered while others grew stronger especially when they had to endure an excess of non ideal circumstances.

So why is it we can't seem to allow people to grow where they are planted?

Weed (sorry) all be better if we could garden together!

Words and a broken heart

 I read this morning there had been a loss of life. As I read the circumstances of a sleep deprived driver going the wrong way I became aware that there are occasions, especially relating to death when the English language seems to be severely lacking.

There is no "right" age or circumstance that makes the death of a loved one or even a pet more tolerable. The heartache and heartbreak of death is experienced differently every second of the rest of your life. Personally I do not believe that time heals. I don't say this as a negative! A broken heart will forever be a broken heart. Once shattered it can learn to adapt to it's brokenness but it remains broken. I believe it is our broken hearts that connect us and often strengthens the bond to others that will or have felt the waves of grief.

What words could possibly be spoken that would comfort another? What words can truly express the feelings of those touched by loss and if I am the one grieving, what words can lift the veil? How do we communicate death to a child or someone child like? How do we respond to a grieving heart that can distract enough to allow just a moment of relief? We have words that can cut us to the bone but what words bring comfort? I think it isn't so much the pain and heartache but more the anguish that leaves us broken without words.

It is my experience that the sadness of death is like a tsunami that floods the heart with grief. Friends and family are swept in as the words are spoken announcing the loss and collectively but uniquely we rage against the force of the waters. Waters that have (this time) spared us and taken a loved one. As the waves continue to crash on the shore we stop thrashing as often and allow our broken hearts to ride the waves that are rhythmically lifting us to the next sunrise.

Life is precious. Loss is life changing. Love is kind.  

My baby boy

And even though you know he is capable and able to do the greatest things, you still see him as that cute little kid that made you laugh so hard it made tears roll down your face. That bundle of joy that would happily entertain you by singing songs learned at daycare and later proudly wear badges earned in boy scouts. And that same boy that made you close your eyes to keep from watching something so dangerous (like climbing on things meant to be climbed). That dangerous playground that he so enjoyed and it was all you could do not to sweep him up pre-boo-boo because you could not watch without worry. Maybe he would be hurt. And so, you closed your eyes (not the one in the back of your head ~ that is not even a possibility and yes kids those eyes are well focused and are just as capable to watch grandchildren too) and over time we both grew stronger, more confident and well just reckless in my mind but how would I know? I raised him with my eyes closed. 

Love you Sean E Baby!  💖

Trickle Down Economics

I am so excited I believe I have this figured out!

This trickle down "economic policy" or you could just call it a donation invocation is really only beneficial to the 1% and the politicians sponsored by same.

So I think what happens is, the politician manipulates the whatever it is that will benefit the 1% who then has even more money and can then afford to buy even more politicians. As each politician is reined on (trickled down on) or sponsored they then only represent their major contributors. The 1 per centers who are so thankful they repeat the cycle and all the while the politician pretends to be on "our" side and tells us tall tales so that we will fight the whatever evil it is by giving a donation because:

     A) We want our country back
     B) Obama Care
     C) Muslims
     D) Social Security
     E) Class War
     E) War on Women
     F) War on Christmas
     G) War
     F) Pro Birth - Anti Choice
     G) Benghazi
     H) Your button pusher here

You are then outraged, enraged and engaged just enough to send money but not necessarily enough to get the facts or vote.

Only the strong survive

The rain reminds me that strength is often perceived as weakness. Looking out my back window during a fairly heavy rain I was noticing the crepe myrtle in full bloom and the purple fountain grass were bending quite a bit. As the rain fell I realized that the ability of the fountain grass and crepe myrtle to bend could be perceived as weakness.

Just looking on the surface, it could be said that neither was strong enough in the rain when actually, the strength was in bending and cooperating and in interacting appropriately with the current circumstance. They both would have damaged themselves with the added weight and in order to survive and prosper, neither remained upright or steadfast. The soil needed the rain and the plant to keep it stable and prevent it from washing away. The plants need soil, sun and rain for nourishment. The clouds need the sun and had to have a release in the form of rain. If nature instinctively knows to cooperate for the good of all, why can't we?

I keep hearing the president is weak but I believe if you say that with any seriousness we should also agree that America is weak by choice. Weak because we are so polarized and politicians are like deer caught in the headlights. Politicians afraid they will step off of the "perceived safety" of doing nothing. Afraid to step up or out for what a majority of people want. Taking only the time to blame the other side for the condition we as a nation are in. Not only is this a disservice to we the people it is also counter to making any hard decisions that they were elected to do in representation of the majority. Do you really expect other nations to follow in the American system of government when we are at a stalemate and have defiantly stood our ground or denied any progress time and time again?

(From http://www.scholastic.com/teachers/article/united-states-government)

Many terms describe the United States government. First of all, it is a democracy. This means the people rule. It is also a representative government. The people elect leaders who will represent their viewpoint when making government decisions. It is also a republic. This means that the chief of state (the president) is elected by the people. This is unlike a monarchy, where the throne is inherited through a family dynasty. The United States government is also a constitutional government. It operates according to a set of laws and principles that are outlined in a constitution. And finally, it is an example of the federal system of government. This means that the national government shares responsibilities with the state and municipal governments.

 

We are our worst enemy. When will we learn that yes, yes we do need protective legislation? Tex-ting and driving have broken many hearts and torn families apart. Our Texas governor believes that we should be allowed to do both if we choose but he does not approve of woman having equal pay for equal work, the right to choose a legal abortion or a method of birth control. How is it you want birth control methods to be an employer choice and not a woman's choice?  When will we have a real discussion about "corporations are people" or why workers should not have sick pay, or how about a living wage? What have we done about Sandy Hook? How do we feel about an eight year old with an Uzi?

Someone should represent me not resent me. Next election I will identify and vote for that person not the letter by their name because it is obvious we have only grid lock in office. The stalemate has to end.

Labor of love

We went to the Oklahoma City National Memorial Museum and I think that is why I wrote this today. Sometimes it helps to write it down and love out loud. Please visit if you get a chance.

Love is Kind

Love is kind, love is round
Love is a circle, love knows no bounds
Love is born but it never dies
Love lives on, the smile in your eyes

Kindness. Love. It isn't hard.
Life and death. Both take part.

Love is a whisper
Love is a roar
Love cries out
Tears may pour

But love is love and ever will be
Love kept alive in you and me.

This was such a labor of love. Well done Oklahoma. Well done.

This bit of light divine, I'm going to notice shine

Here's the good news love story.

Friday night is date night for 1203, me and our BFF couple but tonight we were just us two. So I picked where we would go for dinner and we went for fish. We found ourselves a table and began to enjoy our choices. Soon an elderly couple made their way to a table in my direct eye sight. I watched as they quietly arranged their dishes, held hands and gave thanks for their food. I was just filled with joy to witness this quiet, unassuming couple. They were so soft spoken I never heard a spoken word from either. I was in fact so inextricably drawn to them I told 1203 that they were shiny people and they had a loving aura and I just felt compelled, no, I had to bless them in some way for shining the love light of hope and faith to let them know I noticed their love of God and for one another. I asked 1203 if they had gift cards there and go, please, ask. Praise God they did or I would have had to hug them or something I just know it! So 1203 gets up and after a bit he comes back to the table and says "I did my part, now it is your turn". I was so emotional speaking to our waiter I know I didn't give the best directions that he should take the gift card and give it to them and let them know how I was imprinted in just the short time they had been seated. He didn't go directly to their table so as not to blow our cover but as I glanced back at this incredible couple I could see the lady glow even brighter and after the waiter left, this gracious couple held hands again in prayer. God is good and those that practice God's word by living it are some incredible folks. I hope you keep your heart open and watch for good people doing good work and when you are able do good work of your own. Do not hesitate to let them know they should continue on the path they are walking. 

We walk in the light of God's word; therefore, we are lights to the world.

Jesus tells us that we are light of the world, like a city on a hill that can't be hidden. Therefore He commands us to let our lights "shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven" (Matt. 5:14-16)

Facebook Feeding Frenzy

Thinking we might turn out the lights on H8tebook I mean Facebook. Finally today I was able to log back into this, my blog page so I'm good to go. Some much needed "therapeutic blogging" will ensue I am certain. Will have to see about 1203.

~ Much needed therapeutic rants follow * Glove up * This could get messy ~

Facebook is more and more like the angry driver on the freeway. The problem friends, family, former co-workers and classmates, if you pick your nose and hold it out for all to enjoy, I can see that and the next time you drive by and throw political word salad out the window or blow your horn at an unemployed homeless possibly even a veteran it gets back around to me too. I am confused by the Christian memes you like and share and all the while I see your posts belittling the very people that God has also forgiven and died for. Really, you are for cutting food stamps, against health care, unemployment benefits, minimum wage increases, all things Obama? Don't get me wrong, I am not blameless! I feel like when I say nothing it is just as much my seal of approval and I disagree with so many postings that I feel isolated. There's enough hate in the world so I really don't want to see your road rage in whatever form and it doesn't matter how expensive or what brand of car you drive. F8cebook is just another venue to invite people to the party. Sure at first there is some decorum and politeness. Vacation photos or birthday wishes but once the drinks are served it's who do we trash today day and I don't need to check the facts. Facts are for school kids and non voters if they don't belong to a union or if they wear their hair different or never shave their face. So, yea, we don't like them because they are not the same as me, us. Differences are to be feared and hated not shared as a blessing. Amen? Hell no! What God are you serving?

So yes, giving some serious thought to cancelling our Facebook account. We get disheartened seeing our family, friends and others who continually fan the flames and spread the lies so casually and proudly too it seems. So many fires and yet so few willing to stomp out the flames. Hate, political ideology, religion, and all day every day is a long barrage of reasons why we won't vote for, shop at, contribute to, uphold or support ___ anymore. War on this and war on that. And it goes without saying, the ever popular ObamaCare and of course Obama, FLOTUS, nutrition.

Speaking of nutrition, remember the Chick-Fil-A eat a chicken sandwich free speech for Chick-Fil-A day so we can prove to gays and lesbians that we as Americans  Christians  citizens faith based biased judgemental people disapprove of their kind of l o v e and how we should be able to deny them chicken sandwiches on demand if they come to our restaurant expecting to be fed by anything other than our founders religious beliefs? Free speech for all that eat of the chicken. The unclean chicken but hey, no one but Jews have to go by that law. We are so blessed and forgiven we can make even more laws. The owners family is so strong in their religious belief they are closed on Sunday so all of the religions can go to their Baptist church on the same day as they do and ALL will know only straight people and restaurants that discriminate against non straight people are allowed to love. Hell, this is the mis-read, mostly white and you America! You can't just love anybody. Especially a body of the same sex! No, you will go to hell and we love you so much we just can't let you have that type of relationship. We can pray away your gay and then you can still get married.

So I have a gay brother, gay brother-in-law, gay Facebook friends, a lesbian cousin and boss. My being on Facebook has allowed me to see your driving habits and in so doing, opened a window to your soul that says many of you are willing to go along with the hate as it is delivered or that you think if I were Christian enough I would also hate. Hate my brother, brother-in-law, friends, cousin and boss.

Why does their difference enrage you? How does more love in the world make it a worse place to live and grow? How does this damage your faith, marriage or family? During this Chick-Fil-A day some family members and church friends made some comments and posted pictures of their "I H8TE GAYS" trophy sandwich, and not only was I embarrassed and hurt for them and their family and friends, but also for you. That broke my heart because when you hold it out for all to enjoy, I can see that and I wonder how is it you have no compassion for your son, brother, uncle, sister, aunt, friend.

Me and my family . . .

So, no, I will not post hateful homophobic doesn't help a soul accomplish anything posts or like your self absorbed judgemental meme to try to be less isolated. What you do is between you and whatever God, spirit or consciousness that draws you to do good for goods sake. Even if you drive in the dark that entity that you hold yourself up to ~ Your "GOD" sees what you do so buckle up and keep your eyes heart and mind open.

Drive friendly and let's put the brakes on h8te!